What Really Makes a Great Educator? A Parent-Teacher’s Reflection

Over the years, I’ve heard educators say, “Being a parent makes you a better educator.” As a person who’s dedicated my entire career to education and am also a parent, I’ve experienced mixed feelings in response (though I’ve nodded my head in agreement countless times). I became a mom at 26, six years into my teaching career. I was certainly more exhausted, more stretched. But was I a better teacher?

Some of the most outstanding educators I’ve worked with over the years were not parents. Their brains and bodies harnessed the extra creativity and bandwidth that had suddenly left mine. 

In the mid 2000s I was working at a Title I middle school in Florida. It was a high-incident school; teachers were often overwhelmed by behaviors. Our school implemented an expectation that a yellow card (an office referral) couldn’t be written unless parent contact had been made. 

The staff groaned. Eyes rolled. “Are they serious?” some complained. Turns out, they were. Yellow slips were turned away at the office if parent contact hadn’t been made. 

What initially felt like an extra step in an already complicated and demanding job became an opportunity to engage parents in conversation. I began to build empathy for the complex situations my students were experiencing and navigating. 

I wondered, “Why do some children compliantly follow the rules, do what they’re asked, function how they’re supposed to throughout the school day? And why is that so difficult for others?” I couldn’t neatly dissect or name what was noncompliance (the child’s burden), home life (the family’s burden), or lack of class engagement (my burden, the teacher). Were these the only categories available to me? Seemingly, as soon as one explanation felt logical for one student, it was contradicted by another. 

As a parent, I’ve been afforded the opportunity to learn from incredible behavioral and mental health experts. My thinking about behavior, skill development, will (and willingness) has been challenged in unpredictable and often uncomfortable ways. 

So maybe what predicts being a better teacher is nuanced, just like the needs of our students. When I think of it this way, the journey of parenting has certainly made me a better educator. I confront truths that no longer hold true; I reflect on my learning and try each day to apply it, often failing miserably; and I dig deep in search of wells of grace for myself and others. 

Dr. Ablon, an award-winning psychologist and associate professor at Harvard Medical School, says, “Children do well if they can.” This simple phrase has transformed the way I think about parenting and how I reflect on my years in the classroom. 

For example, a norm I’m confronting is that being a good parent means requiring compliance and that being a good child always looks like compliance. 

What if my student who repeatedly flipped his desk during class was actually doing as well as he could in that moment? This simple reframing is forcing my brain to do something that feels new, and I don’t quite have a word for it, but I like the way it’s coloring my perspective. 

When I think back to my first year of teaching 19 years ago, I knew my content, the basics of pedagogy, and barely enough methodology to teach a single period. The demands and complexities of being a teacher have broadened and deepened since 2006. And so have the needs of the students we serve. 

In the upcoming months, I wonder what it would look like to apply Dr. Ablon’s insight to your classroom, for your students. As educators, we’re committed to continuously learning; we reflect, adjust, adapt— parents and nonparents alike. And I think this is what makes for a better educator.